Compound: Stay Out of the Kitchen

Brock Breed 

*Having decided that we would do something special for our mates, Kade,Niko and I head to the deserted kitchen to see what we can whip up.* Do either of you assclowns know how to cook? What are we going to make for them?

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  Kade Breed *going through the cabinets and pulling out a bunch of boxes and packages of God knows what, throwing them to Niko over my shoulder* Hey, who you calling assclown? I happen to be an executive chef in restaurant del la "Please Alex feed Me Or I'll Die."

  
  
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  Niko Breed *Rolling my eyes at Kade.* In your dreams bro. I happen to have a pregnant mate so I think I know more than you two do. *Catching the shit that he throws at me. Looking down at some of them.* Hey here's some Mac&cheese. Can't go wrong with that. How hard can that be. Even Brock can read directions.

  
  
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  Brock Breed *Glowering at Niko's comment, I look at the box.* Yuck. How do humans eat this shit? This glow in the dark neon orange stuff isn't cheese as I understand the definition. *Looking at the motley assortment of crap Kade pulled out of the cabinets, I realize that glow in the dark macaroni is probably our safest choice.* Anyone know where the pans are in this joint?

  
  
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  Kade Breed *Dropping off the counter to join the kitchen wenches* Pppfffttt, you don't need that shit, here *Grabbing the box out of Niko's hand and pouring it into the toaster slots, grinning at them as I press the lever down* This takes, what, 30 seconds? *Looking around* Hey, you guys smell smoke?

  
  
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  Niko Breed *Grabbing the damn toaster oven and unplugging the thing.* Damn man that's for toast. Do you not know anything. *He gives me his best "What the hell" look. Looking into the counter I come out with a casserole dish.* See this is what you cook this shit in. *Grinning my nose up at it. Glad that I drink blood.* Man how do they eat this?

  
  
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  Brock Breed *Taking the toaster, turning it upside down and dumping the slightly scorched macaroni into the casserole dish.* Give me that packet over there. I think we're supposed to dump this orange powder on top of it before we put it in the oven. We're getting short on time. We need to hurry the hell up. *Putting the casserole dish in the oven, I set the oven for rapid preheating at 500 degrees.* There. Now it should be done in what - a half hour or so?

  
  
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  Kade Breed Half hour? Them Breedmates will be jacked as hell if they gotta wait for a half hour. Here, I can solve this. *Grabbing on of Niko's torches and aiming it at the orange dusted noodles* Here goes Nothin....
• Niko Breed *Jumping the hell back. Kade with one of my torches is never a good thing. When he points it at the oven and it catches on fire. Oh hell.* Brock man grab the fire extinguisher. He''s gonna burn the whole place down around us. I personally don't want to be ashes.

  
  
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  Brock Breed *Between the smoke belching from the oven, and the screeching of Kade and Niko , I try to collect my wits enough to grab the extinguisher. Grabbing the oven mitt from Kade, I reach for the extinguisher.* Holy shit, it's on fire!!
• Kade Breed *stares in awe at the anomaly* Dude.... you only had ONE job......

  
  
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  Niko Breed I'm surrounded by idiots. Look at what you two did. No way am I taking the blame on this one. This was ALL you guys. *Throwing my hands up in the air and walking out. No way am I gonna be caught with them on this one.*

  
  
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  Brock Breed *staring at Niko as he leaves us holding the bag - or smoking casserole as it were - I roll my eyes.* Dude - I'm at a loss. Screw it. Let's order the girls pizza, then we can go online and order Savannah new casserole dishes - oh - and a new toaster and oven.